Friday, December 2, 2016
Emily's Handy Guide to How I Generally Respond When People React Badly to My Presence in Women's Public Restrooms
1. Them: "Oh my God it's A MAN!" Me: "Oh my God a MAN where?! WHERE?!" *jumps, squeals as though running from a spider, makes a scene until they leave/leave me alone*
2. Them: *does a double take at the sign on the door after seeing me at the sink* Me: *dramatically stares at own body, then back at them, then around the room, then gets stone cold calm and leaves while making unbroken eye contact*
3. Them: "What the fuck?! Get OUT you're not supposed to be in here!" Me: "Oh my God I'm so sorry is this the restroom for assholes? I'll show myself out."
4. Them: *sees me at sink, runs back outside and tells/yells at someone about there being a man in the restroom* Me: *calmly finishes washing hands, checks self out in mirror, strolls out of there and makes meaningful eye contact with them, possibly also winks*
5. Them: *actually does something threatening/violent* Me: "Hi hello yes you don't get to police who you think belongs in this restroom, may I please introduce you to my friend the ACLU."
6. Them: *is startled for a moment, then realizes their mistake and smiles bashfully* Me: "It's cool, have a good day." *bows and/or curtsies and disappears into a puff of glitter and smoke*
(take care of yourselves/do what you need to do to stay safe and healthy, babes) xoxoxo