Friday, August 23, 2013

The importance of true names and true pronouns

This should be a very simple concept.

The soldier once known as Bradley Manning has come out as a trans* woman and would henceforth like to be called Chelsea.

People change their names all the time. Or start going by a nickname. We listen, we learn, we use the new, preferred name. Easy.

For reasons of long-held and very misguided cultural norms and biases, however, when a person comes to terms with being trans* and wishes to be addressed in a way that validates their correct gender identity, a great hew and cry goes up from the masses.

In the Manning case, even many of the major media outlets can't even seem to handle this most basic of requests. FOX News I expected, though it is still sad. When I read a statement from an NPR spokeswoman that "Until Bradley Manning’s desire to have his gender changed actually physically happens, we will be using male-related pronouns to identify him,” however, I was dismayed.

If even this, one of those most stalwartly neutral news outfits in the country, can't get it right? We really are in trouble.

It doesn't matter how you feel about Manning's actions in the Wikileaks case. That's almost an entirely separate issue (though there may be something to the defense's pointing out that the military's attitudes toward trans* people probably didn't help her depression and sense of isolation).

Words matter. They represent our attitudes toward an entire section of the population that is still largely marginalized, dehumanized, abused, and worse.

And this should be simple. It does no one a bit of harm to do a quick mental recalibration and begin referring to someone by their preferred pronouns. And guess what? It does that person a world of good. Why do anything else, then?

New York Magazine was one of the few outlets that not only got it right, but seems to really get it:
"Why is it so hard for people to type an extra s when they write about Manning? We updated our nomenclature for "Snoop Lion" and "the Artist Formerly Known as Prince." "Ali Lohan" and "Lil' Bow Wow" became "Aliana" and "Bow Wow" to reflect personal growth. We accept typographical requests from branded products like iPhone, PowerPoint, and eHarmony — and from branded humans like Ke$ha, A$AP Rocky, and 'N Sync. (The last being unusual even without the asterisk.) The idiosyncrasies of capitalism, apparently, are more compelling than a human's self-professed gender."
What does qualify as a problem, of course, is our society's continued insistence on erasing trans* identities or, worse, causing violence to them.

These are our neighbors, friends, family members, co-workers. There is nothing threatening about their identity. There is something threatening about a culture that still holds such ignorance and disdain for them.

I hope others will join me in calling on outlets like NPR to change their attitudes and policies immediately. This isn't acceptable, and silence is complicity.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Happy Spring, Wisconsin!

It can be trying to be a Wisconsinite - not just for the bizarre political climate in which we currently live, but also for the at times totally insane weather.

It's early spring 'round these parts. Last year around this time we were enjoying/being puzzled by 80 degree weather. This year? We've had a few spring-like days, but mostly it's been this delightful situation the meteorologists like to euphemistically refer to as a "wintry mix" - temperatures right on the verge of freezing--but not quite!--along with precipitation and high winds.

Good times.

The silver lining is when the weird weather combinations lead to tableau's like the one visible on the shores of Lake Mendota today. Those high winds seem to have kicked up a substantial amount of lake ice onto the shoreline, to the point that it had piled into mini-mounds and begun the process of devouring a bench along the Howard Temin Lakeshore Path (UW campus).

Going on a hot tip that this was the case, I ventured out into the cold-ass rain to get these shots--because I'm a masochist. Enjoy! And pray for sunshine.

(view the whole set of pictures here)

Thursday, March 28, 2013

The universe is testing me


Today I was tested.

I parked my van in one of the parking ramps downtown, early for a lunch date with friends, and decided to kill a little time by running an errand at a nearby store. Once I was done, I returned to the van to drop off my purchases – only to discover, there, lying on the garage floor next to my vehicle, a bag of donuts.

I should explain something: Me and donuts, we have a history. It's a sort of checkered past involving my intense sweet tooth and the amazing deliciousness of donuts, over-indulgence, regret, bliss, shame, etc. It's physically difficult for me to pass up an offer of donuts.

I froze. Stood perfectly upright. Dared only to stare sidelong at the clear bag containing what looked like two fresh-from-the-bakery donuts. Jelly filled. Glistening with the sweat of their glaze pressed against the plastic of the bag. They looked untouched, like some poor soul had simply dropped them there and gone on with their day, unaware of the loss.

How could you not notice that you’d dropped your donuts?

I was appalled. And tempted. Should I pick up the bag? Eat those perfectly good donuts? I mean, hello, free donuts.

But then, what if this was a test? What if there was a hidden camera somewhere, recording this moment of my greatest challenge? What if there was a piece of string attached and someone, hidden behind a nearby wall, was just waiting to pluck the bounty away as soon as I bent over to grab it?

No, I thought. Don’t eat the floor donuts. Not because someone might be watching, but because it would feel like rock bottom. Resist! But...NO. Don't do it. You're better than this, dammit.

I forced myself to finish my errand and walked away to the lunch date. Left the sack of abandoned donuts behind me, for someone else to discover. 

Goodbye, floor donuts. Goodbye.

Monday, March 18, 2013

How the Steubenville case can shine a light on the darkness of rape culture

Enough.

How is it 2013 and we're still debating whether or not a drunk teenage girl "asked" to be raped, or could have consented to sex in her inebriated state? How is this still up for discussion?

Why are we still devaluing the humanity of men by simply assuming that they can't help themselves when presented with an opportunity to sexually violate someone? Why are we still devaluing the humanity of women by calling them sluts, disbelieving them when they say they've been raped, and placing the "responsibility not to be raped" on their shoulders for any reason at all, let alone what they're wearing or who they're with or where they go?

There's going to be a lot of ink spilled and air time spent discussing the ramifications of the Steubenville rape case. I can only hope that more of it is spent having a serious conversation about the abominable way in which we, as a culture, deal with rape - and far less on how positively awful the whole thing is for the two boys charged with the crime, or the town itself.

Because so far that's been the dominant media narrative. CNN, ABC, NBC, and countless other major media outlets all played into rape culture narrative by placing more emphasis on feeling bad that such "promising students" with "promising football careers" were negatively effected by the eventual guilty verdict. FOX News went so far as to name the victim on air.

In fact, MSNBC was one of the only networks that posted a news piece that dealt with the actual facts of what happened, without making excuses for the perpetrators or casting doubt on the victim and highlighting the fact that she was drunk when the attack occurred (I'm looking at you, USA Today).

There is no excuse for rape. None.

It doesn't matter how drunk someone is - in fact, someone being drunk means they cannot give consent, so if they say you raped them, guess what? You raped them.

That's why consent, and understanding what constitutes consent, is such an important concept - we all need to learn it and love it. That's why we taught it so much back when I was a peer educator for incoming freshmen at my college.

And that's why, when the defense tried to say that the 16-year-old girl had "consented" to the sex - while so drunk she didn't remember what had happened until pictures and video of the incidents showed up on social media - I felt sick to my stomach. And why I was so glad when the guilty verdict was handed down, as a slap in the face to that fucked up line of thinking.

No one "asks" to be raped. And men are not animals that can't be expected to do better.

We, as a society, as human beings, need to step up and create a culture in which this sort of thing would never happen in the first place. Where coaches actually act like the mentor/role model figures that their kids see them as and emphasize/demand decent fucking behavior out of their athletes. Where the media does not impugn the dignity of victims.

Name it, change it. Kill rape culture dead.

Monday, December 31, 2012

Em's Best of 2012 mixtape

It's that special time of year again! Time for zillions of best of lists, oh yes, but the only one that really matters is my own year-end mixtape. In these highly polarized times, I hope we can all agree on that, at least.

Basically, the mix is a compilation of some of my favorite songs from some of my favorite albums/releases of the past year. It's always an interesting look back at my own musical moods from the previous 12 months (I have these mixes going back to 2008 at this point - sonic time capsules!), but I also really just enjoy giving these out to friends and family and maybe hopefully even just introducing them to one or two new artists they might enjoy. When someone likes the whole mix, I'm in heaven.

So what made it this year? Check the track listing below, and please do give these songs/artists a listen and consider purchasing their work:

"At home at the end of the world: Emily's best of 2012"
  1. "Do It With a Rockstar" - Amanda Palmer ft. Grand Theft Orchestra, Theatre Is Evil
  2. "5678!" - Butterfly Boucher, Butterfly Boucher
  3. "Runaway Love" - Diamond Rings, Free Dimensional
  4. "Closer" - Tegan and Sara, Heartthrob
  5. "The Gravedigger's Song" - Mark Lanegan Band, Blues Funeral
  6. "Disparate Youth" - Santigold, Master of My Make-Believe
  7. "Genesis" - Grimes, Visions
  8. "It's Not My Fault, I'm Happy" - Passion Pit, Gossamer
  9. "Moves" - Gold Fields, Treehouse EP
  10. "Fierce" - Azealia Banks, Fantasea
  11. "QueenS" - THEESatisfaction, awE naturalE
  12. "Sunset" - the xx, Coexist
  13. "Make Them Laugh" - Clare and the Reasons, KR-51
  14. "Promiscuity" - Ani DiFranco, Which Side Are You On?
  15. "Unashamed Desire" - Missy Higgins, The Ol' Razzle Dazzle
  16. "Wicked Game" - Gemma Hayes, Wicked Game - Single
  17. "You Are Forgiven" - Anais Mitchell, Young Man In America
I admit that I cheated a little - the new Tegan and Sara record doesn't actually come out until 2013, but the "Closer" single was released last August so I'm counting it. Plus it's an insanely great indie pop song, so there.

This represents a pretty decent cross-section of what I was listening to this year, though certainly not everything. The more hard rap, industrial, and punk sides of my tastes just didn't fit into this mix (maybe some day I'll make two different discs, but right now that smacks of more effort than I have time for).

My hope, as always, is that maybe even just one of these artists is new and interesting enough to you that you'll go out and buy the full record directly from them. It's as important as ever to support creative efforts and creative people by putting our money where our mouths are. I know for a fact, too, that several of these artists offer their work at pay-what-you-choose prices. So get on it! And, above all, enjoy.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

The end is the beginning: Winter (2013) is coming

2012. Well damn. This is traditionally the time to reflect on the year that was, and make plans / resolutions / angry faces at the one that's about to barrel drunkenly through your door.

All I'll say about 2012, though, for the sake of brevity (you have better things to do, right? like make those snacks for the party tomorrow night) is that it was a big one for me - full of invaluable learning experiences, frustrating setbacks, and incredible transitions.

I've just started my ridiculously cool new job as the editor of Our Lives magazine, for instance, and my thumbprint will be fully on the March/April issue (god willing and the creek don't rise).

That combines with another major change, in that my longtime collaborator/partner-in-crime Jesse Russell, one of the founders of Dane101.com and an all-around stand-up gent, is heading off to the West Coast for greener pastures come February.

Fire Ball V, then, will likely be the last big event I help produce for some time, as well as Jesse's going away party. There are still some really sweet VIP hotel/ticket package deals available for sale, by the way, and regular ol' tickets, too. It's going to be a ridiculously fun weekend and you should come for one night at least, if not both. Seriously, I mean it. You'll be so sad if you miss it. So sad.

I'm not giving up on entertainment entirely, of course: I'll be throwing a monthly queer dance party starting January 19 at the Inferno, called REAL QUEER (natch). This is a project I've been mulling for several years and I am ridiculously excited to see it finally come to fruition (ehehe, "fruit"). You don't have to be queer to come check it out, but it helps.

And then there's roller derby. The new/old love of my life. I hope to be doing a lot of that in the coming year. Strange to be starting a brand new sport at 31, but goddamn is it fun.

So I hope the year has been, overall, good to you - and if it hasn't, fuck it - 2013 is still entirely unwritten. Shoulders back, chin up, and make it happen.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

TONIGHT: Panel discussion on the state of modern media

TONIGHT at 7 p.m.: Come hang out with me and several distinguished journalists to discuss "The State of the Fourth Estate in American Politics." Relevant, right?

With just two days to go before Election Day, and in the midst of a quickly changing media landscape, I believe that discussions like this are ones we should absolutely be having, and often.

The forum will feature four panelists, including Paul Fanlund, editor of the Capital Times, John Powell, former reporter for Wisconsin Public Radio, Bill Lueders, former News Editor for Isthmus and now at WisconsinWatch.org, and Dane101 editor Emily Mills (that would be me).

As part of this moderated discussion, panelists will comment on the changing role of the electronic and print media in covering political developments and election and address these questions:
  • Is the Fourth Estate doing a credible job of political and electoral analysis?
  • Has the whole notion of “balance” in reporting gone too far when opposing positions are routinely treated as being equally credible?
      
  • Have the major media become too corporatized to be an independent, objective voice?
      
  • Are contemporary consumers of political news too wedded to sources that simply reinforce their positions & prejudices?
      
  • What, in your estimation, can we expect of the media in the future?

This event is free and open to the public. Anyone concerned about how the media shapes opinion and sets the terms for political dialogue and policy making will find this discussion illuminating. Watch the FUS website for updated information.

The discussion will be held at First Unitarian Society of Madison, 900 University Bay Dr. in the historic Frank Lloyd Wright Meeting House.
The Lost Albatross