Recollecting my punk, jam band, emo, techno, rock-n-roll past

It's Friday, and as part of my continuing efforts to de-stress and get a grip after a couple of nonsense-filled weeks, I'm going to tell a story about my career as a musician.

Riveting!

No, wait, don't run away! See, I just had a fascinating blog pointed out to me--For Those Who Tried to Rock--and it got me to thinking about the various bands I've been in over the years. Bands with ambitions that varied from "just wanting to rock for the sake of rocking" to "we're totally gonna make it!" And how I reserve a special place in my rock-n-roll heart for each of those projects, regardless of their overall quality or longevity.

Here now, a comprehensive list of the bands and musical projects I've been involved in over the past nearly 27 years:

1) Grace Presbyterian Church Talent Show Band (year unknown)
Christmas, the late eighties: I got what ranks as one of the best gifts I've even gotten: a Fraggle Rock kids drum set. Shortly thereafter, I made sure to show off this new prize to the only captive audience I could find: the congregation of my dad's church. They were holding a talent show, so naturally I decided it would be the perfect opportunity to make my debut as the awesomest drummer of all time. I recruited a misfit band of fellow church kids with varying levels of musical ability--it didn't matter, because ultimately we'd be lip-syncing along to our chosen song.

There was the boy who had an actual guitar, the girl who was supposed to play a keyboard but ended up faking it with a plastic trumpet thing, the budding ham of a lead singer, and me with my rad drum kit. Our chosen opus? "Jump" by Van Halen. Oh man, we tore that shit up (well, pretended to, anyway), and my crowning achievement came when, every time David Lee Roth yelled "Jump!", I actually hit the bass drum pedal! Whoa man, those church deacons didn't know what to make of me! I was so in their face! It was an absolute triumph.

Major influences: Van Halen, Jesus Christ

2) The Shrooms (1994, for one month)
Finally, after a good year of saving every one of my weekly chore allowances, I had saved up enough money to pay for an actual drum kit. My parents took me to a local pawn shop, where we'd found a reasonably priced, ruby red, 5-piece CB 700 International set. Not wanting to waste any time on my rocket trip to stardom, and despite the fact that I could barely yet properly play an actual drum kit, I immediately set out to form my first band. In this endevour, I recruited three of my good girl friends: one on tamborine, one on guitar, one on bass. Only the girl who played guitar could actually, y'know, play--but that didn't stop us! Being in the midst of the mid-nineties faux-hippie revival, we decided on the very clever band name "The Shrooms", thinking that it sounded cool. It's worth noting that we had no idea what it actually meant.

We wrote, I think, lyrics for three songs, but never actually played any music together. Sometimes, half the fun of having a band is planning all of the great things you're going to do together.

Major influences: Phish, They Might Be Giants

3) Milk (1995-97)
This was my first actual, honest-to-goodness, writing-songs-and-playing-gigs band. Me and my two best friends at the time--Dave and Alicia--decided to start the project one bored suburban summer. Dave was actually a really good guitar player, and I had finally started to get the hang of the whole playing multiple percussive instruments at the same time thing. All that remained was convincing Alicia to take up the bass, which, even after our several years playing together, she only ever did half-heartedly. Still, skills aside, she was incredibly good-natured about the project.

We were, in essence, the "silliest punk band in the land," as we liked to say. We wrote a metric shitton of original songs, and spent countless hours in my basement writing and playing and recording it all on our little 4-track cassette recorder. We played a bunch of shows, too, either on our own (most notably at the neighborhood block party--PUNK ROCK!) or in concert with the several other local bands. One such gig ended with me learning a valuable lesson that I carry with me to this day: never let other drummers use your snare drum, especially "punk" drummers, as it will be returned to you looking like a topographical map of the Andes.

Milk was great fun, and even after the members began to drift apart at the beginning of high school (and when I moved away), I looked back on it fondly as a major contributor to the more formative years of my life. And even now, listening to those old songs, I think we were pretty decent for what we were--a totally un-serious, upbeat, very young punk band that realized right away we had nothing deep to say so instead wrote songs about ridiculous things.

Feel free to judge some of our work by checking out songs from our second album, "Non-Alcoholic White Liquid," right here.

Major influences: Operation Ivy, Ween, Mister Bungle, Minor Threat, Lamb Chop

4) Tumor Necrosis Factor (TNF) (1997-98)
My first foray into electronic music, this project was very lo-tech: just me, two friends, a 486 computer, an early version of Fast Tracker, a microphone and a boombox. We ended up composing an album's worth of material that was actually really popular at our high school for about three months. Ah, the sweet smell of success! It is one of my great regrets that I have since lost my only copy of that album ("Tripping on Ice"), and have not yet been able to track down another person who still has it. I'm going to keep looking, though, because I'm a sap like that.

Major influences: Moby, Tori Amos, the Dead Alewives, KMFDM

5) The Beat-Me-Ups (1999)
I looked around one day and realized, much to my dismay, that I was in an emo punk band. I blame Oklahoma, and a severe lack of options. Still, I had fun with these guys, and rocking out in my tiny, backyard woodshed/clubhouse with them was one of the things that kept me sane during the two years I spent living in Oklahoma. We played one show, in a friend's dad's warehouse, to a crowd of live-music starved adolescents who were remarkably appreciative of our stuff.

Major influences: NOFX, emotions

6) Forte Diem (2001-02)
Otherwise known as the "band with the worst name ever", Forte Diem was my first college-era band. We were all actually pretty good musicians, but weren't together long enough to become a cohesive unit. The guitarist wanted us to become a jam band, the bassist was thoroughly repelled by that idea, the singer belonged in a much better blues/jazz act, I just wanted to play music, and the guy we had playing auxilary percussion was just happy about everything.

Amazingly, the first proper gig we ever played was a Battle of the Bands, held at my school, in which we somehow managed to win first place against several much more well-established acts. There was even someone in the audience who claimed to worked with the Big Wu, and talked about having us open for them sometime. Like all still-green acts that are met with sudden success, we folded our cards soon thereafter, unable to resolve several key disagreements on direction between members. We did get in one last, really fun (and well attended!) show at the Electric Earth Cafe, though, before finally throwing in the towel.

Major influences: Phish, Victor Wooten, Widespread Panic, Sarah McLachlan

7) Aporia (2003-present)
One day, in a break between classes, I wandered into the commons area at my college with the intention, I think, of taking a nap in one of the big, over-stuffed chairs that were there. Instead, I came across a guy playing an acoustic guitar and singing "Little Plastic Castles" by Ani DiFranco. Intrigued by this rare creature, I promptly sat down, introduced myself, and expressed an interest in jamming with him sometime. Happily, that guy turned out to be current band mate and good friend, Justin.

Over the course of the last five years (wow, time flies!), we've gone from being a coffeeshop folk duo to being a four-person rock band, and during the course of that time, I went from being a I-will-literally-vomit-if-you-make-me-sing-in-front-of-people person to a lead singer who loves what she does. It's kind of mind boggling when I think about how much this band, and its members, have helped to change me.

Major influences: Sarah McLachlan, Ani DiFranco, Jeff Buckley, Tool, Fugazi, Peter Mulvey

8) Lick My Love Pump (2005)
With a Spinal Tap reference right in the band name, you know it has to be good. It's like Smuckers. Sadly, this was a short-lived side project, but it sure was fun. Only ever practicing in my basement and never playing out, we were three girls in search of the ultimate cock-rock cover song. We did "Rock You Like a Hurricane" (which was when I discovered just how hilariously awful and filthy its lyrics are) and had, like, three originals, one of which had a name that I can't print here for fear of earning eternal damnation in a fiery pit of lost souls.

Major influences: Spinal Tap, Sleater Kinney, Scorpions

9) The Buffali (2007-present)
The first band I've ever been in that I joined in-progress. I had nothing to do with their awesome songs and decent level of popularity, just came in and started playing the drums for them when they asked me to. Aporia had played several shows with them back when we were all just starting out, and I was impressed with them from the get-go. So I was flattered when they asked me to join up and help out.

10) The Shabelles (2008-present)
The second band I've ever been in that I joined in-progress. When their last drummer left, the lead singer asked me if I'd like to join up and play with them, which I happily did. At this point, I've only played two gigs with them, but already I'm having a blast. Diabolical future plans involve them playing with Aporia for our next CD release party, and possibly learning how to surf while playing the drums at the same time. It would feel somehow appropriate.

And that's about it! There are a number of smaller projects that I've been involved with over the years, but these are the more notable, substantial ones.

Will I ever make it big as a musician? I don't know. Do I want to? Really, my biggest dream is to be a working musician--that is, someone who can make enough to get by (and get health insurance) through music and writing alone. Even that, though, I recognize to be a pretty hard-to-reach goal. Still, regardless of what level of success I ever reach with it, music has always been, and always will be, an essential part of my life. I've learned so much from it and the people who share it with me, and I wouldn't trade anything for that. Not even winning American Idol.

Come to think of it, that's about the last thing I'd ever want to do.

Have a great weekend!

Winona cuts ties with Wisconsin

Well, not intentionally.

On Tuesday, the discovery of corrosion and holes in its gusset plates led MDOT officials to shut down the main bridge leading into and out of Winona, Minnesota. This heightened level of caution over the state's bridges is quite understandable in the wake of the tragic collapse that happened last year, and I'm certainly glad that officials are taking this seriously.

Even so, I can't even begin to imagine what a pain this closure will be for the thousands of people who rely on the Hwy. 43 bridge to commute to and from work and other places. You see, the next closest bridges that cross the mighty Mississippi are at least 50 miles away (Wabasha and La Crosse are the two nearest spots). That's one heck of a detour.

I was born in Winona and lived there for part of my childhood. I have pretty clear memories of crossing that bridge many, many times, and of the relatively long drive along the bluffs to get to the bridge that went into La Crosse (it had the nearest mall of any decent size, so we made the trip pretty frequently). I do not envy the people there now and their dilemma of how to cross the river.

Fortunately, it sounds like local officials are already gearing up to provide riverboat ferry service to commuters until the bridge can be re-opened. That's something, at least. Still, this certainly serves as a reminder of how important it is to maintain and update the most vital parts of our infrastructure. All it took was for one bridge to close, and the city of Winona has been nearly cut off from everything east of the river. Between this and the bridge collapse, it should lead to some pretty sobering thoughts--and, hopefully, serious action.

GPS, 9-1-1, and you

Kids, don't prank call 9-1-1. Seriously. We have enough trouble making sure the people who really need emergency services get them, and the dispatchers are already working hard enough that extra calls really are harmful to the community.

That said, this recent Dane County press release certainly grabbed my attention:

At approximately 2:30 am, Dane County Sheriff's Deputies were dispatched to an area east of 2349 Williams Point Drive, in the Town of Pleasant Springs, for a 9-1-1 hang up call from an unsubscribed cellular telephone. Unsubscribed cellular telephones can still dial 9-1-1, but can not be called back. Because the location of the 9-1-1 hang up could not be pinpointed, an extensive search of the area was conducted by deputies, with the assistance of the Stoughton Police Department.

With the help of the 9-1-1 Center providing latitude and longitude coordinates, the on-scene Sheriff's Office Sergeant was able to input the coordinates into the GPS program on his squad computer and narrow the search to 300 feet. Deputies were then able to locate two prank callers who were staying in the group campground at Lake Kegonsa State Park. A chaperone with the group discovered the students misusing the cellular telephone and placed a call to the 9-1-1 Center as the deputies were arriving in the campground.

The two pranksters, ages 12 and 13, were part of a group of Madison School District students participating in a camping trip at the park. Charges of False Reports to the 911 System were referred on the two juveniles, who were then released to the chaperone. The two also admitted to making an earlier prank call at 7:25 pm, on Tuesday, June 3, 2008. Deputies, who do not have the GPS capabilities in their individual squads, were dispatched to this earlier call, but were unable to locate the caller, or anyone in need of assistance.

So, the 9-1-1 Center was able to provide latitude and longitude, and the Sergeant was able to punch them into his on -oard computer's GPS system to pinpoint the location of the call to within 300 feet?

Interesting.

It's also worth noting that, apparently, deputies don't have GPS capabilities in their squad cars, only, if I'm reading this right, the Sergeant. Might this be something that could be easily corrected? As far as I'm aware, all squad cars are equipped with a police-specific laptop. I'm sure getting GPS installed wouldn't be a huge hassle, and even if it was, wouldn't it be worth it?

I'm also curious as to exactly how long this ability to track coordinates between the 9-1-1 Center and police has existed. Might that not have been useful in the case of the Brittany Zimmermann call? While we're at it, I'm still waiting to find out how police were able to use a cell phone to locate the body of Kelly Nolan.

Unfortunately, even after everything that's happened, nobody's talking.

Meanwhile, the Dane County Board's Executive Committee just approved the second audit in five years of the 9-1-1 Center. This despite the fact that recommendations from the last audit have not been fully implemented, and a $450,000 data collection system installed two years ago to monitor how well the center is functioning is only just now being used.

How any of this makes sense is beyond me.


(photo from PNLH)

The decline and fall of the SUV empire

With the recent decision by GM to close several of its auto manufacturing plants, including the one in Janesville, there has been much talk about what brought this on and how it might have been avoided.

My thoughts on the matter are that GM should have begun switching over to a heavier focus on more fuel-efficient vehicles a long time ago, but I don't know enough about how the auto industry works to back that up with any solid numbers. However, I think it's fair to point out the success of companies like Toyota and Honda, who've been building hybrids and other efficient cars for awhile now, as evidence that it wasn't impossible to gaze into the future and see what was coming.

Record-high gas prices, increasing concern about climate change, instability in the oil markets, etc.

What's especially interesting about GM's recent announcement, then, is that they seem to finally be pondering the idea of cutting back on the production of SUVs and heavy trucks. They're even thinking that maybe they'll discontinue the Hummer line entirely. But just maybe. Can't quite kick the habit even when it's killing them, I guess.

Of course, some folks don't seem entirely convinced that this shift away from SUVs does or should have anything to do with skyrocketing fuel costs and changing consumer demands. Oh no, it's because we don't have as many children to pack into them. That's Dad29 for you, always good for a chuckle.

The facts speak of a slightly different reality, though:

According to the Federal Interagency Forum on Child and Family Statistics (America's Children in Brief: Key National Indicators of Well-Being, 2004, Washington, DC, 2004, http://childstats.gov/ac2004/tables [accessed August 24, 2004]), in 2002 72.9 million children younger than the age of eighteen lived in the United States. This number is expected to increase to 80.3 million in 2020. However, because the country's entire population will increase, the percentage of children in the population will actually remain fairly steady, decreasing slightly from 25% in 2002 to 24% by 2020.

So that theory doesn't really pan out. I'll give credit where credit is due, however, and say that Dad29 is right when he notes that "there are many folks who purchased SUVs who simply did not need them, but liked the size, or weight, or the ability to see over the traffic which SUVs provided. But that need was a lot more fragile than the need to buy food rather than fuel."

It's possible, too, to drive a vehicle that fits several passengers and/or goods, that gets decent mileage, and isn't an absolute tank. The options may be slightly more limited, but you can blame manufacturers and regulators for failing to keep up with and enforce CAFE standards, as well as the relative lack of will to research and develop cleaner technologies like hybrid engines. Consumers aren't blame-free either. Our sense of entitlement to anything and everything we think we want or need has and will continue to bite us in the ass on a fairly regular basis.

In the end, it's always the workers paying the heaviest price for a corporation's failure to evolve and adapt. Now the community is left to find ways to employ those put out of work by plant closures, and to continue to push for technologies and policies that actually benefit them, instead of costing $4 a gallon. Relying solely on companies to change their ways of their own accord doesn't seem to do the trick.

A quick de-stressing

Things have been a bit hectic around my personal neck of the woods lately, so I apologize for the lack of content lately. I'm hoping to have an actual post up later today, but for now, as a good way to pass the time and in an effort to provide everyone (including myself) with a smile, I'm just going to post this amazing clip from Mr. Roger's Neighborhood. Because seriously, Mr. Rogers was the coolest.

Book Review: "65 Poor Life Decisions" by Ryan Zeinert

Ryan Zeinert writes stories--personal essays often laced with humor that is somehow both self-deprecating and megalomaniacal. Through these tales, Zeinert reveals all sorts of personal, sometimes embarrassing details about himself and his life. It's possible to gain a great deal of insight into this man's head, but in the end, still know almost nothing about him.

That's a rare feat for any personal essayist, let alone one that started out as a blogger.

Yep, I said it: Ryan Zeinert started his writing career as a lowly blogger, founding the rather popular thecdp.net, a humor site dedicated to two things: Ryan Zeinert and the TV show Lost. That he's managed to take all of that and turn it into a book is nothing short of impressive. That the book is actually good brings things to a whole other level.

I've only met Ryan in person once, and I can't say that we engaged in any great, meaningful discussions about life, the universe and everything. Instead, we made introductions and chatted for a bit before me and my cohorts creamed Ryan and his cohorts at a Lost pub quiz. It was good times, and despite the thrashing we gave him, Ryan seemed like a nice, agreeable person. Still, I feel fairly secure in saying that my opinions about his book are almost entirely bias-free.

So, about that book: 65 Poor Life Decisions, a "collection of essays from thecdp.net from 2004-2007" self-published by the author and apparently pretty well-sold, is a solid freshman effort. It has its flaws, but the entertainment value far outweighs them. There's a great deal in the book that just about anyone can relate to on some level--call it essays for the everyday schmo (and in the end, aren't we all everyday schmoes?).

Zeinert's writing shows an intriguing lack of self-consciousness on a par with essayists like David Sedaris, covering everything from childhood delusions to disastrous dates to what can only be described as a special type of twenty-something senility.

At its best, 65 Poor Life Decisions is a fascinating and somehow familiar romp through growing up, making mistakes, and heartfelt revelations. The only places where the book falls short are where its blog origins manage to show through what is an otherwise well-edited and written collection. There's a fine balance between informal essays and journaling, and it seems at times like Zeinert is wobbling back and forth from one to another. Happily, the trend is toward the former, and even the spots where things seem a bit amateurish are, for the most part, enjoyable.

I'll even forgive the occasional lapses into regional colloquialisms, as is the case late in the book when Zeinert makes reference to a time when he "borrowed a bunch of albums to a friend." He is from Wisconsin, after all.

For the most part, though, the collection provides a very entertaining glimpse into a unique life, offering the chance to take it a tidbit at a time or to plow through and read the whole thing like one, big, slightly disjointed novel. And it shows promise: a great deal of promise that Zeinert, who plans to have more books published in the future, will continue to grow into a really great humorist and author. All this, too, from such humble and much-maligned roots. Perhaps he'll end up being the exception that proves the rule about bloggers, or perhaps he's just part of the first wave of a new generation of successful DIY writers.

But who cares, right? Just so long as he keeps up with the loudly boning neighbors and bull goring jokes, everyone's happy.

65 Poor Life Decisions is available for sale through lulu.com.

Sunday Brunch: "Heart's Desire" and building bike trails

Yesterday morning, I had the distinct pleasure of learning about and helping to create new mountain bike trails. I'm still a relative newbie when it comes to mtb, but you could say that I'm already hooked and the more I can learn about what goes into the sport, the better. It was a perfect morning for it, too, with warm temperatures and a good breeze to help keep the insects away as we worked in the middle of a fairly dense forest.

Amazingly, with the help of a few pros, the group of about ten of us managed to carve out around 100 yards of completely new trail in the span of an hour and a half. We worked with three main tools: pulaskis, McLeods and cutters. It helped that there had been rain a couple days before, as the ground was nice and soft without being too soggy.

It was good to get out and work like that, and to learn something new and relatively useful. I'm hoping to get out more in the future, both to ride and to build/maintain.

But, on with brunch! Today's offering comes courtesy of my good friends over at Blame Society Productions (the folks who brought you "Chad Vader" and other such gems). A parody of hair-rock ballads that is both horrifying and strangely compelling, this is the music video for a song by the character Rocker Jimmy Samson, from their "Morning Radio Mysteries" series of shorts. Enjoy!