Part-time pity party

Ugh.

Any half-sane person would anticipate that, upon quitting their perfectly good day job in order to pursue a career as a freelance anything, life would get a little more difficult. I did. But it turns out it's near impossible to fully anticipate just how mentally taxing the whole process can be. Especially if you're not, like, immediately just selling tons of work and getting mad advances for your totally genius book idea, et cetera.

Never knowing exactly when your next paycheck will come, or even how much it will be for; scrambling to pay bills on time, canceling various services to save money, being in near-constant hustle mode--that alone is exhausting.

Throw "no one will hire me for a crappy part-time job so I can at least make ends meet" into the mix and it's enough to turn even the most optimistic soul a little sour.

A friend of mine once told me that he thought there were two types of people in the word: those that just shut down in the face of adversity, small or large, and those who immediately say to themselves, "OK, how do I make this work?" and then just do. He said he thought I was the latter, and generally, perhaps somewhat egotistically, I agree.

And maybe that's why I have such a hard time coming to terms with those instances when I do let myself shut down. They don't happen often, and they don't usually announce themselves with any great fanfare. It's just, suddenly I'm missing appointments and having a hard time getting off the couch and am deeply, deeply mired down in an internal pity party that I can't seem to shake.

I've applied at something like 15 different places around town and, lo and behold the recession, no one yet is hiring--or if they are, they're getting a million applications and mine failed to rise to the top of the heap. It's rough on the ol' ego.

Fact of the matter is I've made it three months into this grand experiment and am now officially broke. It's not exactly how I planned it, and that threw me for a loop. But I woke up at the beginning of this week and simply said, "Emily, it's time to get this thing done." No more laying around feeling sorry for myself, no matter how rough things get. Because what does that accomplish? (other than a chance to catch up on episodes of The Wire)

So a word to the wise: If you're thinking of doing something similar with your life, be prepared. Make a schedule and a list of goals, large and small, and stick to it. And know that, unless you're just wildly successful from the get-go, it's likely you'll be dealing with some very low moments. Don't let them get the best of you. Frankly, it could always be worse - and the promise of something better should be enough to keep you rolling.

Digging the earth

Since the weather's taken a turn for the awesome, Wisconsin has made its annual mass migration to outdoor activities. And since this year I am the master of my schedule, I've been making a point to really enjoy the sunshine as much as possible.

That's still not super easy, as the work that actually makes me money (albeit still very little) tends to be a fairly solitary and indoor activity. And I am, by nature, neither of those things. But what can I say?

Oh writing, I just can't quit you.

Still, one of my other passions pulls me into the woods and countryside of our fair state fairly often: mountain biking. I know I've babbled on about how awesome the sport is before, but as I intend to keep at it until such time as my limbs fall off or something, you'll have to accept that I will be babbling about it more in the future.

I even had the opportunity to write my first mountain bike-centric article for Isthmus, to be published in the not-so distant future. As part of the research for the piece, and because it made for a good excuse to get out and do/see things I've been meaning to do/see for awhile anyway, me and the fella recently joined the Capital Off-Road Pathfinders (CORP for more easier) for an early-morning trail work session out at Cam-Rock.

Turns out the Cam-Rock III trail system, just outside of the quaint village of Cambridge and not so far from Madison, is really very nice. Lots of great, flowing singletrack and some seriously beautiful scenery. CORP and the park folk have done a great job of building and expanding the trails, and they continue to work on them every season.

On the day we went out to pitch in, we ended up assigned to a group that was building berms along the more advanced section of trail. Basically, it became a morning of digging and hauling (gorgeous black) dirt. But we also met some very friendly people and learned a thing or two about good trail construction. We also assisted in the creation of something like seven berms, which was no small feat. Perhaps, after all that work, I'll actually be able to rail said berms in an appropriately sweet and/or gnarly fashion.

I also need to work on my biker slang, apparently.

Anyway, it was good times and I was glad to finally do a bit more to earn my saddle time. See, a big component of mountain biking is the stewardship thing. Good riders are also good about chipping in to help keep the landscape ship-shape.

In addition to wanting to become a better rider for my own personal reasons there's also a professional goal behind that drive. This mountain biking article for Isthmus will be, I'm hoping, just the first of many. I'd like to parlay my love of the sport, my writing abilities (such as they are), and the fact that I'm a lady (omg you didn't know?!) into a bit of a career niche. That is, lady riders who write aren't exactly a dime a dozen (yet!) so maybe I can use that to my advantage. Because it'd be fulfilling for me, and because I'd like to do whatever small thing I can to help encourage more women to take up the sport, which I think would be great. So there's that.

Sunshine and blisters

We broke 70 degrees today! I put on shorts! Shorts! Oh heavenly sun, I praise you. It's true that those of us who reside in more northern climes tend to get a little batty toward the end of winter, especially when the weather starts doing that awesome "will it or won't it" snow-then-rain-then-sun-then-who-knows-what dance in early spring. We tend to become moody bastards, hiding away in our unwashed dens and subsisting on nothing but beer and centipedes (I hate those jerks).

Lousy Smarch weather.

But hey, 70 friggen degrees! And though I had writing to get done, there was simply no excuse not to get outside and enjoy the beauty. I broke out the Surly and pedaled off to the gym, followed by a jaunt around the isthmus to drop off my resume with a few coffee shops. Still looking for a part time gig to supplement my income. This makes six applications made and zero call-backs, but that's nothing, right? I'll keep plugging away until something pans out. You figure that with all the students leaving in a couple of months there will be a few openings. Yeah? Yeah.

Of course the down side of all this hoofing and pedaling after several months spent cooped up in a gym and/or on the couch is that my feet have gone soft on me. The result of this week's various outdoor excursions is one rather gnarly blister on my left foot. Part of the blame for that lies with the fact that I have two completely different sized feet (woman's 8 and 9, respectively), because apparently I'm a mutant. And since it's nearly impossible to buy two different size shoes unless you fork over the cash for two different pairs, that means the shorter of my feet tends to slide around a bit more than it ought to when I walk. Lucky me.

Don't scroll down if you don't want visual evidence of the gnar.

Chapel: "Battered" (part one)

The new episode of our web series, "Chapel," is finally live! You can read about some of the experience of filming it here.

This was one of the more challenging shoots we've done, and simply because the first half is so dialogue heavy. That's a little new to us, being the action nuts we typically are. But it was a good challenge. We had some trouble with the sound, though I think learned many valuable lessons alongside the coronary inducing hiccups. On the plus side, my band mate (and the girl who plays Yvonne in the show), Meghan, wrote a great score for us, so there's that.

Anyway, hope you enjoy - and the second half will go up in early April.

Very, very NSFW by the way (words, not images):

Cinematic Torture: Live-blogging "Twilight: New Moon"

While I've got all this free time during the day (well, to be fair I'm still pretty busy even as a self-employed, loutish writer - but there are a few chunks of nothing-to-do to be had), I figured I'd pick a completely unnecessary project and roll with it for awhile.

On Thursday of this week, I'll be doing an actual live-blog of my first ever viewing of Gore Vidal's 1979 X-rated Roman romp, "Caligula." You can follow along as my brain either melts or I start to get ideas about blood orgies. Could go either way.

To get this Cinematic Torture project going, though, I've decided to start with some even lower hanging fruit. I'm also blogging this on Friday and posting it after the fact on Monday, so it's not really "live" but I'm sure you'll be able to see the progression (or regression?) of my mental state as we go along here. Consider this the test case for the main event.

Onward!

Twilight: New Moon (2009)

You can follow along via your own copy of the movie (admit it), or get ye to Netflix to stream/rent it. Or you can skip my commentary entirely and check out the sure-to-be-superior Rifftrax version. Also be sure to read the Ultra-Condensed Movies synopsis, which is hilarious.

4:22pm It may be important to note as we start things that I have never read a single sentence of the Twilight books. I did see the first movie, almost by accident, and thought that it was a relatively pretty but soulless piece of filler that misused an otherwise reasonably talented director and cast.

4:25 Hey, that's a full moon, not a new moon. Do some damn research peop...oh I see what you did there.

4:26 Oh snap! Bella's running into the middle of an Eyes Wide Shut style orgy. But then it's all flowers and shit? But hey, Sparkle Vampire's here now. Seriously, what's with the diamond skin business? It's fine to make up your own, unique vampire mythology I guess but this just seems silly.

4:28: I'm distracted by Kristen Stewart's attractiveness. Which in turn makes me feel like an old creep. Which I am, so there's that.

4:30 This bit in the parking lot is pretty high school accurate. I seem to remember lots of dry humping and gross PDAs. And there's the famous dreamcatcher. Jacob's really trying to turn Bella into a lesbian, I guess.

4:34 They're watching "Romeo & Juliet" in class. Subtle. (side note: I remember watching the 1968 version of the movie--which is what I think they're watching here--in class sophomore year, but the teacher insisted on standing in front of the screen when the scene with boobs in it came on. Buzz kill.)

4:37 "Bella, the only thing that can hurt me is you." I think I read that same line in a pamphlet about warning signs of domestic mental abuse. This statement is followed up by a way overkill shove that sends her flying into a table. Well done! That wasn't messed up at all.

4:43 That is a kickin' old truck Bella drives, though.

4:44 And then he jizzed. In. His pants. (Seriously, all that noise from a short kiss? I thought he said he wasn't actually a 17-year-old boy)

4:48 "Bella, I don't want you to come." Again with the mental abuse and control! That's just cruel. But it does explain his refusal to do more than give her a half-assed kiss.

4:54: Someone should be sure to turn Bella every so often if she's just gonna sit in that chair for month's on end. Poor thing's gonna get bed (chair?) sores. She also appears not to be changing clothes. Doesn't her dad at least notice the stench? Oh lord this is so damn emo.

4:57 "Don't be so pleased with your self-reverential cleverness." Hello, movie? Are you listening to yourself?

5:01 This whole "if I do something dangerous I totally see Sparkle Boy" set-up has to be the most convoluted plot line since...well...almost anything in a David Lynch movie. Only Lynch movies are generally, y'know, good.

5:04 I hope Jacob's actually teaching her something about building bikes as they go. This whole process would be incredibly dull for her otherwise.

5:10 Oh man, everyone knows girls can't ride motorcycles. This is a terrible idea. Of course, it might help her concentration if Glitter Pants wasn't manifesting himself every few feet as she goes. Also has no one heard of helmets in this world? Aaaand the shirt comes off. Nicely played, Jacob, nicely played.

5:14 Guns and adrenaline?! That's totally my thing, too! No way. Me and Bella, so much in common. Also can someone actually make a movie called "Face Punch" please? It would pretty much have to be better than this flick. Also also, real subtle with the proffered hands, guys. THIS FILM IS SO SUBTLE I CAN BARELY SEE IT.

5:20 Graham Greene, you're better than this.

5:23 Taylor Lautner is certainly a good looking kid, but I still don't get why they couldn't have cast an actual First Nation's actor in the role (Lautner claims to have something like a thimble-full in his ancestry, but really, it's not like there are a ton of roles for honest-to-goodness Native Americans in major movie projects. Raw deal).

5:27 All right! Finally, what this movie has been missing. Bad CG wolves.

5:33 This bedroom scene is just one extended excuse to have Lautner wander around topless for awhile. I can appreciate that. Honestly if that was the whole movie, no dialog, this might be easier to sit through.

5:39 Wolfmen love muffins (and one of them even has the muffin tops to prove it)! Who knew? Also apparently a flippant "Sorry" is enough to be forgiven for going into a rage, turning into a wolf, and attacking a girl for no very good reason.

5:44 So far the music is the best thing about this movie.

5:46 Yes! Dive into the waves, Bella! The cold, dark, end-of-this-movie waves! Oh who am I kidding, I know there are two more of these damn things to come.

5:50 Man, this really is just one giant "Men are animals but women should lust after the abusive ones anyway" fable, isn't it?

5:59 Why is everyone so concerned about Charlie? I didn't think this was a Vietnam War flick. (sorry, sorry, had to)

6:02 Yay, we're back at the Eyes Wide Shut parade! Apparently these people are idiots, though, all celebrating the expulsion of vampires from their city when apparently the most powerful ruling family of vampires still lives there and shit.

6:05 Stupidest reunion ever. And why does Bella keep staring at everyone's chins? Eye contact, woman! Try it some time.

6:08 Oh hi Dakota Fanning. Later you and Bella are totally going to make out.

6:10 Mind reader fancy vamp thinks him not being able to read Bella is her power, but it could simply be that there's nothing in there. Just sayin'. Now why's everyone always gotta be fighting in slow motion? I thought vampires were all fast and stuff.

6:16 OMG BELLA'S GONNA BE A VAMPIRE. I would have never seen that coming. At least then she can be super mopey and emo in good company. Forever.

6:20 And we're back to the controlling abuser talk. "Can you forgive me? I hope so, because I honestly don't think I can live without you." Textbook, dude. Textbook.

6:25 Edward would like to thank Jacob for carrying the movie with his epic shirtlessness.

6:27 I can see why everyone is so in love with Bella. Indecisive, whiny, pouty, vaguely suicidal. I mean, what's not to love?

OK at this point it's just a lot of Edward begging her not to become a vampire and Bella pretty much not giving him a choice. Pouting. Hair touching. Longing glances. Oh and him saying that he has one condition for turning her, which is that she marry him. To which she gasps. OK I'm officially headed to the bathroom to throw up now.

Man, I felt like I've needed to sit through these movies just so I wouldn't be completely in the dark about one of the biggest cultural zeitgeists of our day - but now I kind of wish I hadn't. I've read/seen some terrible stories in my day and this one is right up there with the very worst. I'm fairly certain teenage me would have felt the same way. But to each their own, I guess. I'll stick with my vampires who actually have sex outside of marriage and female characters that display basic competency, thanks.

Updates! Updates! Updates!

My blog work over at The Daily Page finally has a permanent link! Huzzah for easy accessibility. Please to be bookmarking and checking it out: Emily's Post.

I've been hard at work actually interviewing people and going to city meetings (it's amazing what having all this free time during the day has done for my schedule--putting aside the copious amount of time I now spend pantsless, eating chips, and watching Xena). Hopefully some of the information I've been able to dig up will be useful to someone, somewhere.

In other news, my band, Little Red Wolf, has officially begun recording our first album and are currently two whole songs into the process. We'll be submitting one of them to Lilith Fair, which in addition to resurrecting itself this summer is once again taking bids for local bands to play their "village stage." Needless to say, if we got in it would be no small dream come true for me, as it was while watching Sarah McLachlan perform at Lilith Fair in '96 that I had the revelation that playing music for people was something I very much wanted to do with my life. Stay tuned, because I'll probably be harassing you all to vote for us when the time comes.

Keep your eyes peeled for (probably) next weeks' print edition of Isthmus, where I'll be ranting about the need for universal health care.

Also, the Chapel episode "Battered: Part 1" should be live in the next week or so here (and you can see a very short behind-the-scenes vid here). Part 2 will follow in April. It was one of the most difficult shoots we've done so far, but I think it turned out really well. It's also a bit of a tone changer from the past episodes.

I am also slowly but surely working on the whole becoming an LLC and working out my finances, accounting, health care, blah blah blah and should have a supremely tedious post about the process for you all to slog through soon. Excitement!

For now I leave you with this unrelated gem, courtesy of the completely rad Amanda Palmer:

Working From Home: 3-9-10