We need more "Salt" in our entertainment diet

Apropos of nothing: I sat down with my Fella the other night to watch Salt, the action/thriller starring Angelina Jolie released last year to very mixed reviews. It has a ridiculous plot, she wears one of the most ham-handed outfits I've ever seen in a film (and I've seen a lot of ridiculous in my day), and is not what you'd call a great movie overall.

I loved it.

Why? Because the titular role, Evelyn Salt, is a complete and utter bad-ass. And not the done-to-death hot lady/big boobs/seducin' men/witty comebacks bad-ass but non-threatening female lead that even Jolie has been guilty of playing, either. She's mean. Jolie's portrayal is ovaries-to-the-wall hardcore (she did many of the stunts herself, and to the productions' credit, they used a refreshingly small amount of CG to get it done). The fights are gnarly and believable. It's fun to watch, plain and simple, and the sad fact is that we so rarely get to see a female lead - or even supporting character - like this in movies or television. I could probably list them all on both hands, with room to spare.

And you know why? Because the part of Salt was originally written for a man. When the original lead actor dropped out, Jolie asked to be given the part instead - and since you don't turn down Angelina Fucking Jolie they did just that, simply tweaking the script a little to reflect the different gender pronoun.

It works. It works so, so well. I wish the rest of the plot hadn't been quite so ludicrous because otherwise it's just an incredibly entertaining female-fronted flick with excellently choreographed fights and action sequences,. This is how you do it, folks. Having a strong female lead changes certain aspects of how you write a character and plot, yes, but not nearly as much as I think most of Hollywood has led itself to believe.

This goes for the Schluppy Normal Guy's Life Crisis movies, too. What about women? We're schluppy and layered and flawed and lovable, too, but you wouldn't know it from how we're represented in popular entertainment.

The Bechdel Test should be required reading for all screenwriters:

1. It has to have at least two women in it
2. Who talk to each other
3. About something besides a man

Now there's an idea.

Yes, ultimately a big part of Salt's motivation has to do with a man (her husband) - but she doesn't talk about it the entire time, she's morally ambiguous through most of the movie, and when she fights she fights mean. And, for better or worse, that makes Salt a ground-breaking movie. It shouldn't be, of course - letting women be human beings in movies ought not be such a novel concept.

Chapel: "Battered" (part one)

The new episode of our web series, "Chapel," is finally live! You can read about some of the experience of filming it here.

This was one of the more challenging shoots we've done, and simply because the first half is so dialogue heavy. That's a little new to us, being the action nuts we typically are. But it was a good challenge. We had some trouble with the sound, though I think learned many valuable lessons alongside the coronary inducing hiccups. On the plus side, my band mate (and the girl who plays Yvonne in the show), Meghan, wrote a great score for us, so there's that.

Anyway, hope you enjoy - and the second half will go up in early April.

Very, very NSFW by the way (words, not images):

Cinematic Torture: Live-blogging "Twilight: New Moon"

While I've got all this free time during the day (well, to be fair I'm still pretty busy even as a self-employed, loutish writer - but there are a few chunks of nothing-to-do to be had), I figured I'd pick a completely unnecessary project and roll with it for awhile.

On Thursday of this week, I'll be doing an actual live-blog of my first ever viewing of Gore Vidal's 1979 X-rated Roman romp, "Caligula." You can follow along as my brain either melts or I start to get ideas about blood orgies. Could go either way.

To get this Cinematic Torture project going, though, I've decided to start with some even lower hanging fruit. I'm also blogging this on Friday and posting it after the fact on Monday, so it's not really "live" but I'm sure you'll be able to see the progression (or regression?) of my mental state as we go along here. Consider this the test case for the main event.

Onward!

Twilight: New Moon (2009)

You can follow along via your own copy of the movie (admit it), or get ye to Netflix to stream/rent it. Or you can skip my commentary entirely and check out the sure-to-be-superior Rifftrax version. Also be sure to read the Ultra-Condensed Movies synopsis, which is hilarious.

4:22pm It may be important to note as we start things that I have never read a single sentence of the Twilight books. I did see the first movie, almost by accident, and thought that it was a relatively pretty but soulless piece of filler that misused an otherwise reasonably talented director and cast.

4:25 Hey, that's a full moon, not a new moon. Do some damn research peop...oh I see what you did there.

4:26 Oh snap! Bella's running into the middle of an Eyes Wide Shut style orgy. But then it's all flowers and shit? But hey, Sparkle Vampire's here now. Seriously, what's with the diamond skin business? It's fine to make up your own, unique vampire mythology I guess but this just seems silly.

4:28: I'm distracted by Kristen Stewart's attractiveness. Which in turn makes me feel like an old creep. Which I am, so there's that.

4:30 This bit in the parking lot is pretty high school accurate. I seem to remember lots of dry humping and gross PDAs. And there's the famous dreamcatcher. Jacob's really trying to turn Bella into a lesbian, I guess.

4:34 They're watching "Romeo & Juliet" in class. Subtle. (side note: I remember watching the 1968 version of the movie--which is what I think they're watching here--in class sophomore year, but the teacher insisted on standing in front of the screen when the scene with boobs in it came on. Buzz kill.)

4:37 "Bella, the only thing that can hurt me is you." I think I read that same line in a pamphlet about warning signs of domestic mental abuse. This statement is followed up by a way overkill shove that sends her flying into a table. Well done! That wasn't messed up at all.

4:43 That is a kickin' old truck Bella drives, though.

4:44 And then he jizzed. In. His pants. (Seriously, all that noise from a short kiss? I thought he said he wasn't actually a 17-year-old boy)

4:48 "Bella, I don't want you to come." Again with the mental abuse and control! That's just cruel. But it does explain his refusal to do more than give her a half-assed kiss.

4:54: Someone should be sure to turn Bella every so often if she's just gonna sit in that chair for month's on end. Poor thing's gonna get bed (chair?) sores. She also appears not to be changing clothes. Doesn't her dad at least notice the stench? Oh lord this is so damn emo.

4:57 "Don't be so pleased with your self-reverential cleverness." Hello, movie? Are you listening to yourself?

5:01 This whole "if I do something dangerous I totally see Sparkle Boy" set-up has to be the most convoluted plot line since...well...almost anything in a David Lynch movie. Only Lynch movies are generally, y'know, good.

5:04 I hope Jacob's actually teaching her something about building bikes as they go. This whole process would be incredibly dull for her otherwise.

5:10 Oh man, everyone knows girls can't ride motorcycles. This is a terrible idea. Of course, it might help her concentration if Glitter Pants wasn't manifesting himself every few feet as she goes. Also has no one heard of helmets in this world? Aaaand the shirt comes off. Nicely played, Jacob, nicely played.

5:14 Guns and adrenaline?! That's totally my thing, too! No way. Me and Bella, so much in common. Also can someone actually make a movie called "Face Punch" please? It would pretty much have to be better than this flick. Also also, real subtle with the proffered hands, guys. THIS FILM IS SO SUBTLE I CAN BARELY SEE IT.

5:20 Graham Greene, you're better than this.

5:23 Taylor Lautner is certainly a good looking kid, but I still don't get why they couldn't have cast an actual First Nation's actor in the role (Lautner claims to have something like a thimble-full in his ancestry, but really, it's not like there are a ton of roles for honest-to-goodness Native Americans in major movie projects. Raw deal).

5:27 All right! Finally, what this movie has been missing. Bad CG wolves.

5:33 This bedroom scene is just one extended excuse to have Lautner wander around topless for awhile. I can appreciate that. Honestly if that was the whole movie, no dialog, this might be easier to sit through.

5:39 Wolfmen love muffins (and one of them even has the muffin tops to prove it)! Who knew? Also apparently a flippant "Sorry" is enough to be forgiven for going into a rage, turning into a wolf, and attacking a girl for no very good reason.

5:44 So far the music is the best thing about this movie.

5:46 Yes! Dive into the waves, Bella! The cold, dark, end-of-this-movie waves! Oh who am I kidding, I know there are two more of these damn things to come.

5:50 Man, this really is just one giant "Men are animals but women should lust after the abusive ones anyway" fable, isn't it?

5:59 Why is everyone so concerned about Charlie? I didn't think this was a Vietnam War flick. (sorry, sorry, had to)

6:02 Yay, we're back at the Eyes Wide Shut parade! Apparently these people are idiots, though, all celebrating the expulsion of vampires from their city when apparently the most powerful ruling family of vampires still lives there and shit.

6:05 Stupidest reunion ever. And why does Bella keep staring at everyone's chins? Eye contact, woman! Try it some time.

6:08 Oh hi Dakota Fanning. Later you and Bella are totally going to make out.

6:10 Mind reader fancy vamp thinks him not being able to read Bella is her power, but it could simply be that there's nothing in there. Just sayin'. Now why's everyone always gotta be fighting in slow motion? I thought vampires were all fast and stuff.

6:16 OMG BELLA'S GONNA BE A VAMPIRE. I would have never seen that coming. At least then she can be super mopey and emo in good company. Forever.

6:20 And we're back to the controlling abuser talk. "Can you forgive me? I hope so, because I honestly don't think I can live without you." Textbook, dude. Textbook.

6:25 Edward would like to thank Jacob for carrying the movie with his epic shirtlessness.

6:27 I can see why everyone is so in love with Bella. Indecisive, whiny, pouty, vaguely suicidal. I mean, what's not to love?

OK at this point it's just a lot of Edward begging her not to become a vampire and Bella pretty much not giving him a choice. Pouting. Hair touching. Longing glances. Oh and him saying that he has one condition for turning her, which is that she marry him. To which she gasps. OK I'm officially headed to the bathroom to throw up now.

Man, I felt like I've needed to sit through these movies just so I wouldn't be completely in the dark about one of the biggest cultural zeitgeists of our day - but now I kind of wish I hadn't. I've read/seen some terrible stories in my day and this one is right up there with the very worst. I'm fairly certain teenage me would have felt the same way. But to each their own, I guess. I'll stick with my vampires who actually have sex outside of marriage and female characters that display basic competency, thanks.

"Chapel: The Series" starts now

One of the (many, many) projects I've been working on as of late is the creation of a monthly web series. Based on three short films I've helped make for three separate Wis-Kino Kabarets over the course of the past few years, as well as that there book I wrote, "Chapel: The Series" is probably one of the most ambitious undertakings I've ever had the good fortune to take part in.

Our goal is to make one of these every month until we hit episode Z, probably with one break in there to divide things into two "seasons" (and to give us a breather at some point).

I'm excited about this not just because I get to play the title character--that's a new thing for me--but because the other people involved are all lovely and talented and a great pleasure to work with. We'll also be traveling a bit for future episodes, including a couple that will take place in New York and New Jersey and involve some similarly lovely and talented people who live out there.

Anyway, let's get to it, shall we?

Quick synopsis of the series: "Chapel is a drug dealer. Not a very good one. Mostly she'd just like to make it through the day without having to borrow someone's gun... Based on the short Wis-Kino films by Rob Matsushita and the book by Emily Mills, "Chapel: The Series" is a new, monthly web series that includes a cast and crew of Madison's finest that will make you laugh, cringe, fist-pump, cheer, and maybe even shed a single tear."

Episode 1: "Audited" (NSFW for brief language, some violence)


Get caught up -
Episode 3: "Complicated" (NSFW for brief language, heavy violence)
Episode 4: "Distracted" (NSFW for brief language, some violence)
Episode 5: "Extremed" (NSFW for language, heavy violence)

Sunday Brunch: Send me a BMX angel

I'm just on a bike-themed movie clip roll these days, but I can't resist when they're just this good (and hey, looks like other folks have picked up on the awesomeness that is Lady is the Boss, too!). Recently, I was sent this amazing clip from the 1986 BMX movie Rad. So inspired by the beautiful absurdity of it, I was inspired to sit down and revisit the film in its entirety (jealous?). It is, in fact, a crap fest--but one that includes some pretty decent bike stunts, hilariously awful clothes and hair, a very young Lori Loughlin, and they also somehow manage to get away with making an actual bike company--Mongoose--into the villain. Hey, I ride a Mongoose, and it's a fine bike, damnit! Does that make me a villain?

Anyway, enjoy:

The Massacre begins tonight!

If you haven't already seen the buckets of press about it, "Massacre (The Musical)" has its world premiere tonight, 8:00PM at the High Noon Saloon. I'm shamelessly plugging the heck out of this because 1) it's a super fun, super indie horror musical comedy, 2) I helped create the soundtrack and did some grip work on it and 3) my band, Aporia, is playing after the screening. And hey, the whole evening will only cost you $5, a portion of which will go to benefit Second Harvest. Good times, all around.

Read all about it!

Today's issue of the Wisconsin State Journal features a big article about it on the cover of their Art section. You can read it online here.

This weeks' issue of the Onion's AV Club (in Madison) features an article about it, too.

This weeks' issue of the Isthmus also includes a nice article about the premiere. I wrote an article for their online edition, if you care to read it, here.

We Got Film

The Capital Times has a piece about NFL player Chad Johnson filming a potential Super Bowl ad in Middleton on Tuesday. Which is, y'know, pretty neat.

"ProVideo, a Madison-based video production firm, makes commercials for GoDaddy.com, a Web site domain registration company, and was in charge of the Middleton shoot."

(side note: I wonder if this one will include scantily clad women growing more scantily clad as the ad progresses. Does Middleton's new status as the "#1 town in the US" mean they disallow sexual innuendo on their high school football field? Because that would be a shame.)

Now that we've finally gotten around to passing legislation to create funding and incentives for film companies to come to Wisconsin, this sort of thing is likely to start happening a bit more often (though a lot of the action so far seems to be in Milwaukee, which is too bad).

There are a number of independent movies recently filmed in the area and now looking for distribution and/or making the festival rounds, most notably "Madison," starring long-time American Players Theatre favorite James DeVita. For the super-independent fare, you can turn to internet superstars Blame Society Productions, who brought you the "Chad Vader" series. Hilarious horror more your style? Check out "Zombie Hero" from Digital Mad Videos or, and I'm a little biased here for being involved in the production but I swear it's completely awesome, "Massacre! The Musical" from Graveside Productions. No attention span? There's always Wis-Kino, the scrappy film making group open to anyone with a camera and a dream.

Before I leave you with the current "Massacre" trailer, I'll just sum this all up by saying that damn, this state sure has a lot of talent floating around, waiting for the harsh light of the national spotlight to fall upon its pasty features. I can't name all of the projects here, but you get my point. The coasts have their benefits, but seriously, stop hogging all the attention, eh?