The importance of true names and true pronouns

This should be a very simple concept.

The soldier once known as Bradley Manning has come out as a trans* woman and would henceforth like to be called Chelsea.

People change their names all the time. Or start going by a nickname. We listen, we learn, we use the new, preferred name. Easy.

For reasons of long-held and very misguided cultural norms and biases, however, when a person comes to terms with being trans* and wishes to be addressed in a way that validates their correct gender identity, a great hew and cry goes up from the masses.

In the Manning case, even many of the major media outlets can't even seem to handle this most basic of requests. FOX News I expected, though it is still sad. When I read a statement from an NPR spokeswoman that "Until Bradley Manning’s desire to have his gender changed actually physically happens, we will be using male-related pronouns to identify him,” however, I was dismayed.

If even this, one of those most stalwartly neutral news outfits in the country, can't get it right? We really are in trouble.

It doesn't matter how you feel about Manning's actions in the Wikileaks case. That's almost an entirely separate issue (though there may be something to the defense's pointing out that the military's attitudes toward trans* people probably didn't help her depression and sense of isolation).

Words matter. They represent our attitudes toward an entire section of the population that is still largely marginalized, dehumanized, abused, and worse.

And this should be simple. It does no one a bit of harm to do a quick mental recalibration and begin referring to someone by their preferred pronouns. And guess what? It does that person a world of good. Why do anything else, then?

New York Magazine was one of the few outlets that not only got it right, but seems to really get it:

"Why is it so hard for people to type an extra s when they write about Manning? We updated our nomenclature for "Snoop Lion" and "the Artist Formerly Known as Prince." "Ali Lohan" and "Lil' Bow Wow" became "Aliana" and "Bow Wow" to reflect personal growth. We accept typographical requests from branded products like iPhone, PowerPoint, and eHarmony — and from branded humans like Ke$ha, A$AP Rocky, and 'N Sync. (The last being unusual even without the asterisk.) The idiosyncrasies of capitalism, apparently, are more compelling than a human's self-professed gender."

What does qualify as a problem, of course, is our society's continued insistence on erasing trans* identities or, worse, causing violence to them.

These are our neighbors, friends, family members, co-workers. There is nothing threatening about their identity. There is something threatening about a culture that still holds such ignorance and disdain for them.

I hope others will join me in calling on outlets like NPR to change their attitudes and policies immediately. This isn't acceptable, and silence is complicity.

A New York State of Mind in Wisconsin

It was bittersweet watching last night's New York State Senate vote to legalize gay marriage. While my emotional state was almost entirely joyous (and a little misty-eyed, I won't lie), there was that tinge of bitterness over the current political situation in my home state of Wisconsin. We have an unconstitutional amendment that bans gay marriage, a Republican-controlled Legislature, and a ideologue Republican governor. It's hard to imagine a day when we'll be in a place where such a vote could come up and actually have any chance of passing here.

But it will happen. As the saying goes, the tide of history is most definitely on our side.

Hour by hour, day by day, there is no stopping the march toward a more just society. The kids are all right. The parents are even catching up. And some day soon the entire nation will finally live up to the ideals upon which it was founded and enshrine legal recognition of our common equality in the Constitution itself (which, it should be mentioned, technically already does this).

I am so happy for the people of New York today - everyone who spent so much time, shed so many tears, worked so many long hours to make this happen - and every committed couple finally able to obtain legal recognition of their families. I'm proud of the New York legislators who were able to shed partisan politics and come together for a greater good.

And I am hopeful, despite everything that's happened here in the last several months (or maybe because of), that Wisconsin will also find its way to that same place of justice for all, and malice toward none.

Now, New Yorkers, get out there and gay marry! You've got 30 days to plan the most fabulous weddings ever imagined.

It Gets Better

My piece for today's Emily's Post blog at Isthmus is now live, and I wanted to cross-post this one because it's an ongoing issue that's especially near and dear to my heart. In related news, you can now subscribe to Emily's Post via an RSS feed right here.

Teen suicide is not a new problem. The way the media has been covering the recent surge might make it seem otherwise, but kids have been getting bullied and driven to drastic measures for as long as anyone living today can remember.

I remember.

There can be a silver lining to all of the recent, highly-publicized tragedy, though – if it raises awareness nationwide and leads to serious, concerted changes in the ways we all deal with homophobia and discrimination in general. If it means no kid will feel ostracized and alone because of their sexual orientation or differentness.

Dan Savage (he of Savage Love fame) started the “It Gets Better” project in response to the rash of teen suicides as a way to spread the message to young people who might be feeling hopeless that, if they just hold on through high school, their life can and will improve. They’ll be able to choose their peer groups – people who love and accept them for exactly who they are – and live full lives.

It’s a marvelous movement, and the positive response to it has been overwhelming.

But I’ve been glad to see many people taking the idea a step further and recognizing that grade school shouldn’t have to be such a mine field in the first place. That students and school administrators alike bear the responsibility of fighting against bullying, of enforcing rules that make the learning environment a safe one for every student.

Read the rest of the post here.

The subtle art of the successful rally

Gay Pride events in Madison are always held a little later than in the rest of the country. When most places are celebrating all the colors of the LGBT rainbow in June, Madison likes to kick back and wait until the dog days of August to get its gay on.

And that's OK. Frankly, it'd be hard to compete with the much bigger festivals in nearby cities like Milwaukee and Chicago. We here in Madison are pretty keen on marching to our own drummer, anyway. And, truth be told, our fair city kind of does Pride all year round (one of many reasons to love this crazy place).

Just last month, for instance, Madison's LGBT residents and their allies marched and rallied to counter the bigotry and distortions of the National Organization for Marriage's anti-equality tour. Some 500 gay rights supporters turned out for an event that drew a diverse coalition of individuals and groups from around Wisconsin.

So I was surprised when the Wisconsin Capitol Pride festivities on Sunday featured more politicking and speechifying than celebrating.

After a joyous parade around the capitol building, down State Street, and onto Library Mall, revelers were met by the thumpa thumpa of a DJ spinning dance tunes. People were exhilarated, ready to party, feelin' good.

And then began the seemingly endless line-up of speeches. Mayor Dave, Tammy Baldwin, Sheriff Mahoney, Mark Pocan, and a fellow running for the Wisconsin Supreme Court all took their turns in front of the microphone while the assembled crowd grew more and more sun baked and subdued.

Let me be clear: I'm in no way saying that politics and the politicians who represent and support the LGBT community have no place at Pride festivities. Quite the opposite. I'm glad they're there. I think it's crucial that our elected representatives show their support by showing their faces (second only to actually working for positive change, of course).

I believe there is a place for good, motivational speeches at Pride, too - but for the love of sunscreen, can we limit the number and pacing of the speakers? For all of the positive energy that had been built up during the parade, by the time the final talker talked themselves out, half of the people had gone home.

The band (disco superstars VO5) was finally able to go on, effectively pulling some folks back in and prompting a good ol' gay dance-off, but then had to stop after maybe five songs for yet more talking. And that's when I gave up and left.

Look, I'm sure the people behind Madison's official Pride celebration mean well, and I'm fully aware of how difficult it can be to properly organize large events (been there, done that) - but that's no excuse for not trying to improve.

Pride is about going out, getting a little rowdy, and showing the world how spectacularly awesome every element of our human family is. It's about being yourself and loving it, about being an example to all those still crushed under the boot of oppression and ignorance of what's possible - and, dammit, it's about having fun.

The good people of Madison spend much of their year being active, engaged citizens working hard to improve their communities. That's why Pride has always been, to me anyway, a time to kick off our shoes and just enjoy ourselves. A little less politics and a little more booty shaking, you know?

So next year, here's how we do it:

Parade around the capitol and down State Street? Great. Done. Have the crowd met by an awesome DJ, good food vendors, local artists and businesses sellin' stuff, etc. at Library Mall. Make it a proper festival! Do a very brief crowd rev up, introduce big political supporters en masse (let them wave, smile for cameras, and at most take a minute to say their peace), and then get back to the party.

Also, before any of this happens, make sure plans and expectations for the various events are clearly and concisely laid out in your PR materials so people have a decent idea of what to expect and when (I saw nothing about all of the speeches and speakers in said materials for this event, for instance).

Finally and foremost, be all-inclusive.

Follow these very simple guidelines and I can almost guarantee you won't face another awkward situation where 3/4ths of your audience leaves during someones speech.

Sure, it's not the apocalypse if a Pride celebration gets a bit bungled. There are far worse things happening in the world that we could (and should) be working on. But Pride is still important - for the veterans of the struggle to mark progress made, for those people just figuring themselves out to see what's possible, for misguided folks who really can, slowly but surely, have their minds changed just by our community's increasing visibility.

People care. You care. Let's work together to get it right.

P.S. On a related note, this is fairly awesome: "A CNN poll this month found that a narrow majority of Americans supported same-sex marriage — the first poll to find majority support." About damn time.

The good news for March 31, 2009

I was going to write a proper post today, but then I burned myself out on an article for Dane101. The solution? Do a news run-down wherein I include a link to my own article. Brilliant! There is, of course, another item of note to be had here, and I hope you'll take some time and learn something new from each.

• [Dane101] "A tale of District 2: Brenda v. Bridget" - I was getting a little fed up that most of the coverage of this particular local race felt pretty one-sided (one way or the other), so I tried my hand at presenting a relatively unbiased account of the candidates. They were each kind enough to take some time to sit down and talk with me for this purpose, too, so many thanks to both Bridget and Brenda, for whom I cannot vote, because I live in District 8.
• [Queerty] Today is the Transgender Day of Visibility, ie. the Ts in "LGBT" and an equally important part of the greater community. Unfortunately, even amongst us queers there are still a lot of misperceptions about transgendered people, so all of us owe it to ourselves to get more educated and open about the whole thing. Jezebel has video of a remarkably frank discussion about gender reassignment surgery up to help with the cause.
  

Is Madison a post-gay bar city?

Recently, there has been a lot of talk about two new gay-oriented establishments opening up in Madison: Restaurant XO2 over on the far west side, and Plan B on the near east. Both have already come in for their fair share of criticism and praise, much of the former based mostly--and somewhat surprisingly--on their respective locations and on Madison not really needing businesses that cater specifically to the LGBT crowd.

Certainly there have been some critics with a more homophobic bent, but the majority of the criticism seems to be coming from within. A thread on the topic over at the Daily Page forums addresses the issue specifically, and there are some interesting points being raised.

One commentator asks:

What's a gay bar for? Is it for hooking up? My sources tell me this is done much more efficiently on the web these days. Is it a place where gays can go have a drink and feel comfortable being themselves? I can understand why that would be good in, say, Birmingham, Ala., but seems like in Madison there are any number of joints that aren't gay bars but where queer folk can be perfectly comfortable. Is it a place to strengthen LGBT community? Is a bar the best place to do that?

Good question. We do seem to live in a society currently in transition between a place where people belonging to traditionally marginalized groups have to hide who they are, and a place where everyone can be open and honest without much fear of retaliation. Madison especially, though not perfectly, embodies the latter quality. We are not an overly closed-minded community, but that's not to say that it's one big gay utopia, either. Even so, shouldn't we be striving to move in a direction where every bar or restaurant is a place where anyone can go and be themselves?

Yes and no. My hunch is that there will always be a market for more niche establishments: from LGBT specific, to fetish clubs, to cigar bars, to sports pubs. A different TDP forum commentator makes another good point along this line:

I say all experience is useful, even as, you know, fertilizer. Without my gaybaristory, I would not have images of shirtless lesbians eating fire; turkey basters, jock straps, and a chainlink fence; or a drag queen dressed as nun knocking himself out on a rafter dancing on the bar. The comfort level is important. In a gaybar you don't have to make sure no one's looking if you want to be demonstrative.

And that's the rub, isn't it (no, I'm not talking about the shirtless, fire-eating lesbians--though that's certainly worth lengthy consideration). Even in a city as generally open and affirming as Madison, gay people still don't feel entirely comfortable being "demonstrative" in just any ol' public place. That's certainly something we should all be shooting to eradicate, but the hard truth is that it is not currently the case, and having "safe spaces" may well still be important for the community.

Sure, gay bars and restaurants aren't for everyone, even within the LGBT crowd. But I'd argue that they serve a crucial function for many others. They're a place for those just coming to terms with their sexuality to feel comfortable to explore. They're a place for community events, or just grabbing a drink with friends. Personally, I've always felt more comfortable in gay-friendly places, and I know a lot of others, gay and straight, who feel the same way.

Is Madison a post-gay bar city, then? Is there such a thing at all or are we jumping the gun a little bit here? I don't know. Frankly, I'm torn between wanting a future in which anyone can go anywhere and feel comfortable--and wanting to have places to go where I know I'll be among like-minded folk. Do those two scenarios have to be mutually exclusive, though? I'd like to think not.

Support Equal Benefits Ordinance tonight!

I've been hearing a bit about this, and I firmly and proudly stand behind the Dane County Board's decision to push for this ordinance. You can lend your support, too, by showing up at tonight's board meeting.

Here's the note I got about it:

Please show your support for the Equal Benefits Ordinance and the Dane County Domestic Partnership Registry by signing in at the Dane County Board meeting before 7:00 p.m. on Thursday evening, September 18, 2008, in Room 201 of the City-County Building.

The Equal Benefits Ordinance will require County contractors to provide the same benefits to employees with domestic partners as they do those with wives or husbands. It will also create a domestic partnership registry for Dane County.

If the amendment passes, it will be the first such law in Wisconsin! Please help make history by lending your support. The trade unions and right-wingers have been lobbying the Board to amend or stop O.A. 13. You can make the difference to help pass this law.

Support O.A. 13 by signing a blue slip that will be read by the Board Chairman before the debate. Thank you for your help!

Kyle R. Richmond
Dane County Board, District 27

Until such time as we realize that we're currently denying LGBT citizens of this state the equal protections and rights under the law that they're supposed to have--because of our discriminatory ban on gay marriages--ordinances like this one are necessary.

Caffeinated Politics has a good take on the issue, and Kyle Richmond also wrote an editorial about it that appeared in yesterday's Capital Times.

UPDATE 9/19: Hooray! The ordinance passed. Thanks to everyone who voted for and supported this move. Every small victory counts!

Stranger at the gate

What's so terrifying about homosexuality?

Is it something in certain peoples' deep, primal psyches that takes issue with their inherent inability to procreate together? Bigotry and fear instilled by a religious system that decided to stigmatize homosexuality because its original oppressors (see: Romans) practiced it so freely? Ignorance? All of the above?

It can't be because it's "unnatural." Homosexuality exists in several species of animal--bonobos, dolphins, various birds, elephants, even lizards and fruit flies--and has been a recorded part of human history since we started keeping track.

It can't be because it's "harmful." Harmful to whom? I can't find a shred of unbiased research that shows any significantly higher risk of medical problems for homosexuals. Contrary to common stereotypes, gays and lesbians are no more or less promiscuous, prone to mental illness or likely to molest children than people who identify as straight. If anything, the only extra harm involved in being gay is that which comes from discrimination and hatred by other people.

So why is it, then, that homophobia is still so rampant?

Today, I read about Tammy Baldwin's partner being initially denied permission to fly with her on a military flight for a congressional trip to Europe. It took the intervention of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi to secure an exception. Now, whether or not you agree that members of Congress should be allowed to bring spouses along on these trips, the fact remains that Baldwin's spouse was specifically disallowed because the Pentagon/military doesn't recognize same-sex partnerships.

This is ridiculous. Just as ridiculous as our military continuing to use the "Don't Ask/Don't Tell" rule.

Then, I read about further investigations into the US Attorney firings at the Justice Department, and how in at least one case, it looks very much like a highly qualified attorney was fired specifically because of rumors that she was gay. This part is especially telling:

The Justice Department's inspector general is looking into whether Hagen was dismissed after a rumor reached Goodling that Hagen is a lesbian.

As one Republican source put it, "To some people, that's even worse than being a Democrat."

Worse than being a Democrat. Is that how we want to run our country? By firing highly skilled professionals based on personal prejudices and then replacing them with less qualified partisan sycophants? I wouldn't want that to happen regardless of the political party that was doing it, period.

Gays and lesbians should be allowed to serve openly in all levels and branches of the government and military, no exceptions. They're already there (and have always been), doing what they believe is their duty to their country, regardless of what the rules say. They should be judged for the positions applied for in the same manner as anyone: by their actual skills, records of service, etc--you know, qualifications for the job. Anything less is not only mean-spirited, it's short-sighted and detrimental to the improvement and safety of our country.

This sort of institutionalized discrimination should never be tolerated, especially so in a country founded on the idea that everyone should get a fair shake in life.